Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
A large green dragon comes out bursting from the waterfall.
You climb and crawl, sliding your way down.
The chamber itself has 40 foot high ceilings.
You step into the chamber and you are approached by a group of elf guards.
What are you doing here?
Hi, my name's Thea. These are my friends.
Aren't you supposed to be guarding the entrance?
We are guarding the entrance.
We weren't told that more people were coming.
What's the secret password?
Are you kidding me right now?
OK.
Bluff check.
Nat 24.
OK, you're right.
There was no secret.
What is this?
Clubhouse for children?
You walk down a long narrow corridor.
Quit touching me stuff.
You see three large ettins.
Hey, he's stealing your shit over there.
What the fuck are you doing over there?
And she takes this huge club that she has and just starts wailing on the other one.
Oh, my God.
I reach forward and I open the door.
Inside you see about a dozen elves and one human.
Is Delaine the human?
Delaine is the human, yes.
Yay.
I mean, boo, it's not good, but yay.
We would like to get into Naren Vane's chamber,
so we need you to create a distraction.
They're over here.
They're trying to break in.
They're over here.
And you hear the footsteps of cultists coming down the hallway.
You enter into what looks to be created as a lush living space.
Kind of I peek inside the trunk.
Acid splashes from it.
Everybody.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
Takes 5D8 acids damage.
Oh, my God.
I am the worst.
Thea, you're looking around and you find a secret passageway.
You look around this room some more and you see a journal.
And it reveals that the green dragon mask is already
at the Well of Dragons.
And as you guys are reading this,
you hear screams echoing down the halls from some of the elves.
But you hear the loud roar of Kuth entering back into his lair.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a fifth edition actual play podcast.
I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
And with me today is Amy More.
Yeah, I am.
And I also play Thea Anastasia.
And Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me.
Yeah, I play Flint Firebeard.
And Carla Johnson.
That's me.
And I play Nularaaaa Moonbrook.
I was so hoping I was going to be last,
because as soon as you started talking,
I was like, think of something good to say.
Think of something good to say.
I saw that look of hope on your face.
And I was like, nope, she's going first.
So you didn't get any gold out of that.
That was your own fault.
Well, we've been going now 38, 37, or 38 episodes.
I don't know which one this is.
I think I came out with one good one at one point.
I think somewhere in there.
Yeah, I had like a good opening.
Like, did you know?
Blah, blah, blah, something, something.
That's probably exactly what it was.
I think it was bad.
And it was just as good that time.
It was real good.
Blah, blah, blah, something, something.
So we're a Dumbgeons and Dragons podcast.
And we play Dumbgeons and Dragons and tell a story.
And if you like that story, which hopefully you do,
it's getting very exciting, there's
going to be things happening in this next episode coming up
here that you're going to enjoy.
Spoiler alert, Russ.
I know, right?
OK, you may or may not enjoy it.
Hopefully you do.
But if you do, you can find us over on Patreon, too,
where we have a whole other game going on.
Whoa.
And Tom's going to tell us a little bit about that game
because he runs it.
Tell us about it, Tom.
Unlike the one that Russ is DMing for us,
which is the Rise of Tiamat,
this one's all off the top of my head for the most part.
So it's been interesting to try to write an ongoing adventure
and not have it suck.
And so far, I think it's going OK.
Yay.
Way to sell it.
Well, see, I didn't know that Tom was thinking all of this stuff
on his own.
Me neither.
So I would say that's amazing.
I thought it was going good anyway.
Oh, well, that's very nice.
Now with this information, I'm highly impressed.
Yes.
We have that going on over on Patreon,
which every month we release a dungeon side
scroller, which is what that is.
And then when Tom's brain runs out of ideas,
we'll come up with another game.
Coming soon.
I want to hear the sound that Tom's brain makes
when it runs out of ideas.
I'll record the audio and text it to all of you.
But after that, we're going to be doing a Fatecore game
as well.
So if you want to get in on all of that great stuff,
including every once in a while,
we randomly dedicate an episode to one
of our patrons, who this week is Nathan Donahue.
Hey, Nathan.
Nathan's the best.
Thank you, Nathan.
And thank you, everybody else, for joining us on Patreon.
You're all amazing.
And if you want to join us on our community over there,
go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And that's all the notes I have today.
It's just talk about Patreon,
throw it to Tom awkwardly.
Uh-huh, nailed it.
Wrap it up.
Fuck it, let's play D&D.
There we go.
Yay!
Currently, you are in a secret room
in Naren Vane's quarters,
which is what you assume is Naren Vane's quarters.
And you hear the rumbling through the caves
and the yelling of cultists
and the giant roar of a dragon
as Cuth has come home.
What do you do?
Throw him some sort of surprise party
and he hopefully has a heart attack from the surprise
and just drops dead.
I like it.
I like it, but let's keep brainstorming.
Okay, you have just thrown ideas out.
Yep.
Oh, we have a rope.
And as he's walking through the door,
he's not gonna be looking down.
We trip him.
He has a heart attack from the surprise of the fall.
We could just sprinkle some Lego out on the floor
and then he'll step on it and like hop around a bit
and then fall over and have a heart attack.
Yes.
I was gonna say we could write,
open me on that chest and we could poison him too.
So if we're all gonna be poison damaged,
at least the enemy could be as well.
Look in here with a big arrow.
But who'd be stupid enough to open that chest?
They're all good strategies.
Perfectly normal chest.
So you hear-
Definitely not poison inside.
You hear from distant from back down the hallway
because you've gone down some hallways
to get to the room you're in now.
You hear screaming of what sounds like
it possibly could be the Elven guards.
You hear a commanding voice.
You don't hear what they're saying
because it's a bit farther down
but you hear a commanding voice
and then footsteps starting to head down the hallway.
Wasn't our original plan to wait for Naramvain
and then attack him
so we don't have to worry about him
and the dragon at the same time?
I believe so.
That I believe was the one, yeah.
Good.
Let's stick with that.
I like it.
I wanna beat the shit out of whoever poisoned that box.
That's who's to blame.
Right?
You guys said you weren't mad about it.
You said, that's okay, Thea.
Don't worry about it, Thea.
Oh, I see.
No, we said it like, that's okay, Thea.
Don't worry about it, Thea.
Damn it.
Hey, Thaddeus, you wanna heal us up?
Yeah, yeah, I could heal you.
Tom, you have to pick which spell he does though.
What about mass healing word?
How does that sound?
Yeah, you could do that.
I will roll a d4.
That is a three.
So five hit points, everybody gets back.
That totally makes up for the 20 we all lost,
right guys?
Yeah.
Everyone's good now, right?
Everyone's happy.
Setting picture for you.
You are in like a back secret passage closet.
Small shrine is in this room to Fen Meryl Mesterine,
the elven god of outcast scapegoats and solitude.
Hence, Naren Vane keeping this back here.
This is where you found the journal.
Through the door that you went in to get here
is Naren Vane's presumed chambers.
There is another long hallway that you went down
that went through the cultist quarters
and their kind of store room area.
There was another room off to the right.
You came from the left that you didn't really go into.
And you hear multiple footsteps
coming towards the area where you are.
I say we go into Naren Vane's room.
Yeah, it's just the three of us, right?
Nobody came with us.
Or sorry, the four of us, cause Thaddeus.
Oh, Flaming Kins too.
Flaming Kins, yeah.
Right.
And oh no, six, seven of you
because you have Delaine and Laska with you as well.
That's right.
So this is like a, this is a packed party.
It's a surprise party.
You said it jokingly earlier,
but this is legitimately a lot of people.
Um, sorry, Russ, the shrine room is just off his bedroom.
Yeah.
So we'll say that you three are in the shrine room
and Thaddeus, Flaming Kins, Delaine,
and Laska are in his room.
Just kind of readying themselves
until you guys decide what else you want to do.
I would say we want like him to come in
and then, you know, we catch him by surprise.
So we need to like hide a little bit, right?
I mean, I guess we don't,
if we're in that other little room,
but that's what I was picturing anyway.
You know, he comes in,
stretches, kicks his shoes off.
Sure.
Immediately takes his pants off.
Yeah.
Comes in to find Nulara in the bed.
Twist.
What a twist.
Yeah.
I was going to say Flint, but it's been used.
Yeah, true.
It's fair.
The joke.
No, so you don't want us to seduce him?
You don't think that would go well?
I don't.
I mean, it might go well.
I don't think that plays to Nulara's strengths, no.
Yeah, but this is like a lot of folks, so.
So should some be like behind the door to his chamber
and others stay inside the?
That's what I would think, right?
Yeah.
So who's, sorry, you're looking for places to hide
or you are just.
I just picture us like, oh no.
We've been talking about it so much
that he's going to come in
while we're like scampering around.
I'm giving you guys a little bit of,
because we're just jumping right into this.
So I'm giving you a little bit of.
I will hide in the closet
because that's furthest away from the door.
And if I need to cast a spell
from a secret hidey hole, I can't.
Okay.
So you're in.
I remember Russ, I cast alarm out in the hallway.
Yeah, that's just gone off.
Oh, it went off?
Yeah, that's just gone off now.
There he goes, hide.
Okay, so in Naren Vane's chambers,
there are rich carpets and tapestries
covering the floor and walls of the cavern
and also the log hewn bed,
a large mirror and the illustrious trunk.
I want to hide in the trunk.
There's so many funny places to hide,
like under a rug.
Behind curtains, tapestries.
Have your shoes peeking out from behind the curtains.
Exactly, but realistically,
I think I'm going to sidle up beside the door.
Maybe you and Flint can hit him at the same time.
Can you guys coordinate an attack?
Can you do that in D&D?
So you guys are all in hiding place.
Flint, where are you?
Are you in the bed?
Other side of the door, I believe, much like Nularaaaa.
Nularaaaa, we'll say you're to the right.
Flint, to the left.
You're in the hidey hole,
maybe with Thaddeus and Flamikinskins.
We will be the backup.
Yes, well, and then you can hear what's going on.
Is Delaine still hurt?
No, we healed him up.
He got pretty healed up last time.
And also, wouldn't Amy be hiding
in the hidey hole with Delaine?
Sure, Delaine's back there too.
So Flint and Nularaaaa are the only ones in this main room.
Laska's in there too.
We'll put Laska in there.
Okay, okay, because otherwise
there's like a whole bunch of us in the closet.
Okay, you guys have all found where you're hiding.
You hear multiple sets of footsteps coming down the hall.
The alarm has gone off quite a while ago.
So it's like, why didn't they come sooner?
Who knows?
We were talking about where to hide.
And then, are you guys like,
okay, are you guys like readying to like strike right away
as soon as something comes through the door
or are you gonna let them come in?
How many footsteps can we hear?
Yeah.
Make a check, perception check.
Okay.
Oh, nat 20.
Okay.
You hear what sounds like it could be the sound
of five or six humanoid type people or creatures.
Son of a bitch.
He goes with an entourage.
Sure, yeah.
As one does.
Yeah, if it's even him at all.
If you recall, you saw six cultist members be led from
so you could get into this area.
Okay, well let's just start murdering
but try to keep Naren Vane.
As always, we'll try to keep Naren Vane alive
so we can question him.
Perhaps, yes?
Okay, so let's.
I was thinking we wouldn't attack right away
but if there's that many of them,
like we're gonna fucking attack right away
because we want that surprise attack.
Let's roll for initiative.
You guys will get a first strike.
You two will get a first strike
on whoever comes through the door first.
All right, you guys are readying your weapons.
You hear the footsteps of these things coming down
and immediately stepping through the door
is what looks like a human cultist member.
So one immediately comes through the door,
rushing in and a second one following closely behind.
Roll for your two attacks.
That was a 26.
That's a 19.
Yeah.
That was much better than mine.
That was badass.
Both of those hit.
Roll for damage.
Excellent.
20.
12, 14.
First one comes through the door.
Nulara, you jump in behind him and strike him dead.
Flint, you catch the second one in the stomach
and it splits and explodes into the room
because he's running with such force
and even cut into the one behind him a little bit.
Tell me a little bit of the blood and guts
get on Narenvane's bedspread.
Blood hits everywhere except his bedspread.
It seems like it's protected by some sort of magical force.
Like Scotchgard?
Like Scotchgard.
Okay, how gross is it that he put
some kind of spell on his bed
so that bodily fluids wouldn't attack him?
I like it.
I'm rolling with it.
Yeah.
Narenvane's a slimy guy.
God, Narenvane, that told us a lot.
We read his diary and that told us more than that.
It kind of rolls off
and doesn't actually stick to the bed.
I like it.
That might be the grossest thing
that's ever happened in our game.
Narenvane, you nasty.
Three more of these cult members run in behind
followed by one larger human
and we're into battle now.
Nulara, you're up first.
Okay, then I will attack the,
I don't know, whoever's closest to me.
Cultist.
One of the cultists, yeah.
So that is a 23.
That will hit.
23 damage, which is almost the most I could give them.
Wow.
So the one that Flint kind of nicked
with cutting through the other cultists,
he skirts to the side
but quickly catches your blade in the skull
and is exploded into another puddley mess
which surprisingly enough still does not get onto the bed.
Still not on that bedspread.
Okay.
The bedspread has legendary resistance
with three uses of it, so.
There are two more of the similarly addressed
human cultists who are running in
and now towards you with their weapons drawn.
Okay, I'm going to attack one of them.
That is only a 16 though, 16.
16 will still hit.
Great.
That is a, oh my God.
11 plus six, 17, 19 damage.
Carla, killing it, literally.
This is, these rolls are freaking me out.
We're just hiding in the closet, just watching like.
Damn.
One of these other humans now has a look of sheer panic
as he sees his friend explode
yet not stick to the mattress
as he connects on your backswing
and you cleave him in half as well.
Okay, Donnie wants to probably just try
and like come chomp somebody.
Yeah, sure, there's one more cultist close by.
Is a 17.
Yeah, Donnie.
That will hit.
Okay, so that is three damage
and then he needs to do a con saving throw.
15.
Yep, he's fine.
Flint, you're up.
So there's one more of these cultists
that's run in and was now bit by Donnie
and you hear slower, heavier footsteps
coming down the hall still.
Okay.
Yeah, I guess I'll try and cut this cultist down.
So yeah, 22 on the attack roll.
Oh yeah, that'll hit.
Oh yeah, 11 and five is 16,
and four is 20, 20 damage.
Yep, that guy is,
it's just you're in a room of gore now.
I love it, I love it.
If you wanna get out of the gore,
you have to get on top of the bed though, so.
So the floor is lava, kind of thing?
Yeah, and you turn and you look down the hall
and you just see a very large muscular human
coming down the hall,
dressed in what looks like more dragon style armor.
All right, should I throw an axe
and then close the door?
There is no door, it's just a cave opening.
That's right.
So I'm gonna throw at least like a beaded curtain.
Yep.
It's glittery too.
How far away are they, Russ?
They're like 15 feet from the room,
so like 20 feet from you, tops.
I'm not opposed to running into the hallway,
but then there's not a lot of room
for other people to join in on this bad boy, so.
It's true.
I'm kind of inclined to just let him come to us,
because obviously I think that's what he's coming here for.
I'd assume, as he just watched us
like straight up fucking murder, so many dudes.
Sure, yep.
All right, yeah, I'll toss a throwing axe at him
and see if I can hit him with that.
Go for it.
That is a 18.
18 will hit, yep, 18 will hit, yep.
Excellent, and my sweet, sweet 1d6 damage is a six.
Nice.
All right.
That came from the closet, that was the end game.
Woo hoo!
I know you're in there.
No you don't.
It's Laska's turn.
Laska jumps in front of the hall
and she lets forth her cold breath.
Yes, you do.
Down the hallway, and each creature in that area
must make a deck saving throw at disadvantage,
because it's a five foot hallway.
How many creatures are in the hallway?
Just the one.
Both of those are fives, so that's.
Super good roll.
Yeah, plus three, so eight.
So yeah, both of those miss that save,
so they take 4d8 cold damage.
They so cold.
Chilly.
So cold.
Oh my, it's so cold.
I don't know why I was fanning myself
as if I was hot, but that goes more.
So cold.
I'm so cold.
I'd like it a little bit chillier,
so I'll move the air around my face.
I'm trying to keep my extremities warm
by moving my hand back and forth,
but it's just cooling me down more.
16 cold damage on this larger fellow here.
It's this guy's turn.
Okay, so he charges in and he pulls
what looks like a glowing orb from his bag,
and he lets forth a breath of green noxious gas
into the room, and you guys take some damage.
If I roll well on the ranged spell attack,
that's a 17 at one target, Flint.
Hooray, I'm the lucky one.
So that's a 17, that doesn't hit.
Fuck.
That was a lot of lead up for not a lot there.
It's all right, I appreciate it not hitting.
Yeah, that's okay.
Anyways, he's gonna charge in
and swing his short sword as well,
and that's a 17 also at Flint.
Fuck.
All right.
I mean, we were gonna have to fight a dragon, Russ,
so like, it's fine.
What are you guys doing in the closet?
Are you guys just-
A lot of air motions, like,
I'm swinging a fake sword.
Nobody should jump out, you're just gonna let Flint
and Nulara and Laska take care of it.
Oh, well, no, of course,
once it gets to our initiative, whoever's-
Delaine is up, this is why I'm asking.
Oh, well-
Well, hold on.
Do you guys, talking about this
as characters in the closet
while the first part of the battle's going on,
you see that they are destroying fucking everybody
that's walking through these doors, and you're like-
Are you hot?
Should we, what?
Wanna fool around a bit?
Should we just let them, if it turns,
maybe we go out and we help them,
but maybe we just let them kind of clean house
and then we help for after.
Well, cause Nerenvane hasn't come in yet, right?
These have all just been like schmoes.
Well, yeah, this is like a human dude in armor.
Yeah, we're just killing minions right now.
I wouldn't be mad if they didn't come out.
They can't know that, but I wouldn't be mad.
Not to mention that they, like,
maybe once it all dies down,
then Theo whispers like,
move the bodies out of the line of sight,
cause no one's yelled out.
No one's been like, hey, they're like,
no one's sounded the alarm.
No one's heard them.
I've been killing them so fast.
Exactly, no one's shouted out.
So all of those people died in less than six seconds.
So just put it that way.
You guys are so bad ass.
Cause we haven't even been
through initiative order yet.
Okay, I squeezed Delaine's bicep.
We had a thing, don't you deny it?
No, I said- Yeah.
Thaddeus and Flamingons go find somewhere else.
You ruined it, Russ, you ruined it.
Guys, I think we should stay here
and wait until Nerenvane comes in.
They've got this.
Yeah, they look like they got it.
Maybe I'll just kind of look around
and see if I can find anything else in here.
Sure, yeah.
I like to look around.
Don't make any noise.
Okay.
It's my strong suit, you know.
We need to be the surprise second attack.
Okay, so let's say Delaine, Thaddeus and Flamingons
and Thea, if you want to,
are investigating this room
to see if you can find everything, anything else.
Sure, we're just running to-
So everybody roll-
It's personal stuff.
Everybody in that room, roll an investigation check.
Well, I got a one.
But Thea's too busy looking at Delaine's ass.
A 12 for Thaddeus.
Flamingons gets a 17 plus.
Whoa.
Flamingons.
Investigation minus one, 16.
So in this time,
you're just kind of looking around.
I'll tell you what you find later.
Nulara, you're up.
Back to the top.
Oh, okay.
Guy is now through the door.
That is 25 on that attack.
Yep, that'll hit.
10 damage.
Second attack is only a 16.
He's pretty heavily armored.
Probably doesn't hit, hey.
16 still hits.
Oh, sweet.
Not that heavily armored.
Oh my God, this was almost the worst roll I could get.
Almost.
That is six damage.
So we've experienced these-
Two ones and a two.
Almost the best damage.
So I got almost the best.
And almost the worst.
And then almost the worst.
Okay.
Yeah, exactly.
BAlydince.
And then Donny only got a 13.
That will not hit.
What if he's going for the ear?
He's wearing a helmet.
But it has ear flaps
and he left them open by mistake.
Yeah.
That's a 17.
17 will hit.
Excellent.
Oh, 22.
Nice.
Okay, math.
I just stared at that number for far too long
and it was an easy number too.
If you could put in a long pause
as you're editing into there,
rest to make it seem like you really struggled with it.
Okay.
So you-
Can I attack again?
Oh, right.
Yeah, you still get a fucking turn.
Yeah, I do.
But I got a 10.
So I don't think that's gonna hit.
No.
Yes.
Your cockiness just,
you glance off after you take a huge chunk of it.
The three I rolled
isn't quite good enough to cut it.
Yeah.
So Laska doesn't use
or recharge her cold breath.
Maybe she does,
but then she doesn't.
Everybody's got theme songs tonight.
I like this.
Doesn't recharge your cold breath.
But goes to bite the individual
for a 13 and misses.
You see the human
right himself
and look like he's focusing very hard
on to Nulara.
He gets to roll with fanatic advantage.
He's a fan.
He's a big fan of mine.
Twice, twice-ly.
Twice-ly?
So for the first hit,
that is an 18.
Second time you've used the word twice-ly
like it's really a word.
It will be by the end of this.
He's starting a movie.
Second one is a 21.
So an 18 and a 21.
Those both hit.
So we get 1d6 plus three piercing damage
plus 2d6 poison damage
plus 3d6 extra damage.
Son of a bitch.
28 for the first strike.
Oh.
Fucking fuck.
And he doesn't get the extra 3d6 on the second.
Hooray.
And then another seven damage.
Holy son of a bitch.
Five of which is poisonous.
Fuck, dudes.
So you guys are hiding in the closet
and you're looking around
and Flamikins Kins yells,
Hey, hey girls.
He yells at us.
Flamikins Kins first yells
and then corrects herself.
She said, hey, oh, wait, shh.
Hey, behind these, behind this statue,
these eyes, these here,
there's, it looks like there's a passageway
to get in somewhere else.
Okay, go check it out, girlfriend.
She pokes her head through.
She's like, there's a bunch of gold in here.
We should go get it when we're dead.
Shh.
Okay, calm yourself.
Okay, you guys doing anything else
or you're just good?
Okay, Nulara, you're up.
Okay.
The gentleman is not looking overly good.
He's bleeding from like everywhere.
Okay, so that is,
why can't I just remember what my pluses are?
That is a 19.
Yep.
That'll hit.
I think we should all have songs like this tonight.
18 damage.
Yeah.
18.
So after this guy hurts you real bad,
how do you kill this long lost lover of yours?
I mean, I probably just chop his head off
because it's all I ever want to do.
I was gonna say, you guys love it.
It's very dramatic.
With a quick swift strike,
you cleave his head off
and the helmeted skull clangs to the ground
and he is also dead.
And the room, I would say is clear,
but it's kind of a fucking mess.
Like you guys really,
you got to have the cleaning lady in or something.
I am gonna do a healing surge.
I don't want people to use spell slots to heal me
because we're gonna need them for more fighting,
but I'm down 50 hit points, so.
Only half of that was the bad guys.
I said, sorry, what do you want?
Yeah, can we all zap out a healing surge or a rest?
Yeah, it doesn't sound like anybody
is coming immediately behind these guys,
so you have a minute to collect yourselves
and do whatever you decide you want to do.
What is the healing surge again?
I use one of my hit dice.
One of your hit die.
What are you guys doing?
You don't hear anything coming from the way
that these cultists members had come,
which is kind of odd because you heard a dragon roar
and kind of shake the walls.
Flamikins told you there is a secret passageway
in the closet, so let's pick up there.
Guys, there's a thing back here.
There's a whole bunch of like golden shit back here.
Okay, well, let's look.
Is it a secret passageway
or like a closet in the closet full of gold?
No, you look and it opens up into a much larger chamber
that has piles of gold and goods
all throughout the cavern.
Guys, do you think this might be Kuth's treasure hoard?
It could be.
Seems like it.
Is it big enough?
Is it?
Oh, it's definitely big enough in there
that it could be what it is.
You got that bag of holding?
How much does it hold?
Can we put all this treasure in there?
I don't think we can.
I mean, you could put a lot of it in there.
Just remember to take it out at some undetermined time.
Right, so bad.
I mean, generally,
we probably don't really need this gold.
We mostly work in a socialist system
where we don't really pay for a lot of things.
What about like fun items and things
that might be there though?
Yeah, is there anything fun?
Can I do a fun item search?
Are you guys going into the room
or are you just kind of looking from the door?
Can we look for like traps and things on the way?
Yeah, sure.
So are you guys-
Yeah, like how I just told Flamikins Kins
to stick her head in there.
Well, yeah, you're just-
Yeah, no, I just need some golden shit.
Like there's a little bit of a pool area,
but doesn't look like there's any way in or out to me.
So just a big treasure cavern.
Like other than making the dragon mad,
which it's already gonna be pretty mad that we're here.
I don't know that-
It's not gonna be thrilled.
It's not gonna be excited
that we just like massacred all those dudes.
I like Tom's like look for cool stuff idea.
And traps.
Okay, let's look for cool shit.
So this room is-
And traps.
Traps first.
Fia's not poisoning anyone this time.
Yeah, I know.
Things have already been booby-trapped.
I know.
Fia doesn't even really wanna go in.
Maybe Fia just waits outside.
She's like-
Fool me once.
Exactly.
So who's going in?
I'll roll the like look for traps and shit
before I go in.
Oh yeah, for sure.
Everybody can make an investigation check there.
That is a 17 for Flint.
That's a nine.
Nine for Nulara.
Yeah, Flint, you determine that you can see no traps
in the doorway at the very least.
You can't see much further investigating in
without going into the room,
but through the doorway,
it looks like it's a clear shot.
All right, let's run in with our eyes closed.
Who is staying behind in the closet?
I will stay behind.
Ooh.
I was gonna stay behind, but now it feels awkward.
Third wheel.
All right, I feel like Delaine is staying behind
for reasons.
Yep, smoochin' reasons.
Delaine and Fia and Laska are staying behind
in the closet, everyone else.
Flemmingkins, Nulara, Thaddeus, and Flint.
I'm gonna say cautiously walk in
and roll an investigation check as you walk in there.
14 for Flint, and ooh, like a 21 for Thaddeus.
Damn, I only got like a nine.
Flemmingkins got 11.
You walk in, and this room straight ahead
is about 120 feet down, maybe about 150 feet wide,
and it narrows at different points.
It's a cave.
There is a pool that is, as you walk in,
opens up into what looks like a 75-foot span.
You look through the treasure hoards
and you see there's tons of gold and copper.
As you're looking through,
you catch the eye of different gold trade bars
that Flint, you recognize, could be from Baldur's Gate
and could be worth a pretty penny
each in and of themselves.
Flint, you also see, sticking up out
of the treasure hoard, you see a heavy crossbow
as well as a short bow on the other side of the room there.
And Nularaaaia, you're caught by what looks
like a shining globe mixed within the treasure.
I'm gonna nab that crossbow
because I think it'd be a good idea
for me to have a ranged weapon at some point
that isn't just a throwing axe.
Yeah. Sure.
You are crossing the room to retrieve this crossbow.
Nularaaaia, are you looking at this globe at all, or are you?
Sure, sure, why not?
Okay, and you are walking over to the globe,
which is, as you're looking,
on the left side of the room, Flint,
you're crossing the room. Okay.
As you are crossing the room,
you see a ripple in the water.
And emerging from the water
is a giant green dragon
with a elven male sitting on its back.
Fuck.
Happy to be in the closet, motherfuckers.
Peace. Peace.
Again, this is me and Flint.
Do-do-do.
Starting with Flint and moving across
to Nularaaaia and Thaddeus and Flamikins,
the dragon lets forth its poison breath,
and everyone must make a constitution saving throw
in that area.
Ooh, that's my good one.
Yeah, 22 for Flint.
14.
And a 20 for Thaddeus.
Fuck.
I'm taking a beating.
And what for Flamikins?
15.
That's not good.
You don't know what to say happy about it.
I'm not happy about it, so to say.
So Thaddeus and Flint, you take half damage.
Half of a lot is still a lot.
Nularaaaia and Flamikins, you take full damage,
which is 56 poison damage.
Oh my god.
Holy shit.
Glad I healed myself a million.
So that's gonna be 28 for Thaddeus and Flint then.
Ooh, fuck.
Well, Flamikins is immediately down to seven.
Seven hit points.
Well, I'm down to 24 hit points,
so I'm not looking so good either.
Roll for initiative.
Oh, good thing I got that real high initiative
so I can just get like right in there.
Uh, 10, 13.
Flamikins gets a one, she gets a two.
Thaddeus had a 19 and Flint with a 14.
You are in what's called a dragon's lair.
So there are lair actions that occur
and one of those is gonna happen right now.
We all get healed 20?
I wish.
What a nice dragon.
Such a good dragon lair.
Flint, beneath you grasping roots and vines erupt
in a 20 foot radius centered immediately where you are
and that area becomes difficult terrain
and you must succeed a strength saving throw
or be restrained by roots and vines.
Well, strength is a real, real good one.
So plus four bonus 18.
Okay, so you are not immediately restrained
but it is difficult terrain.
So that's half speed if I am trying to move through it.
So that is half speed and you have 20 feet
to go to get out of this vine area.
Thaddeus is up.
Thaddeus, Nularaaaa and Flamikins are closer
to where the secret entrance door was.
The dragon is now in between where those guys are
and where Flint is.
So kind of in the center of the room
and Flint is more towards the back of the room
from where that secret chamber is.
Okay, so how far away is Flint?
So you're about 50 feet from the dragon.
Okay, Thaddeus is going to call upon his god,
Tyr, the god of justice.
He's gonna call upon him
to get some fucking mass healing word going
but he's gonna cast it at a fifth level spell slot.
So it's a couple extra D4s
that up to six targets within 60 feet will be healed.
And so that's everybody I wanna be healed.
So that being said, so it's a fifth level
so that's gonna be three D4 for everybody
plus spell casting ability.
So that's 15 points, everybody's getting back.
Yay.
So after taking a large chunk of poison damage,
Thaddeus' hands and eyes glow
as he mutters his incantation
and everybody feels a little bit rejuvenated.
You mean people in the closet?
No, you guys are within?
No, you have to be within,
no, they'd be outside of the range.
That's what I thought, okay.
But everybody in the room should be able to.
Yeah, so Flamikins, Flint, Thaddeus, and Nularaaaa.
Yeah, yep.
So it's a dragon's turn.
Yay.
And he recharges his poison breath.
Of course he does.
And he turns and points at Flint
who is trapped in his vines
and he lets forth his poison breath.
Bring it.
All on top of Flint.
So you need to make that.
I can roll another con save, I can do it.
Constitution saving throw.
That is a 16.
You take 56 poison damage.
Oh my God.
Ugh, all right.
Nerenvane jumps off of his back
and Cuth flies up to the wall
and he lets forth an enormous roar
inside of this chamber and the walls shake
and you feel a warmth.
Do we just pee?
Did we just wet ourselves?
Everyone pees.
No, you feel a warmth coming from the garland
around your neck.
And you feel like you should be afraid at this moment
but you have dodged the frightful presence
of this dragon.
However, Delane and Laska did not have those.
Delane and Laska aren't even in the cave.
The cave.
If we weren't in range to get-
Within 120 feet.
Oh shit.
Yeah, so they are within range.
So Delane is not afraid but Laska wets herself.
Aw.
And backs away so she can no longer move
towards the dragon until she saves
that wisdom saving throw.
Delane's turn.
Delane steps out of the secret closet area
and takes aim at the dragon and loses his longbow.
He hits with his longbow.
As a bonus action, the archer can add 1d10
to its next damage roll with the longbow or shortbow
so he's probably gonna do that.
I bet he would.
He's a smart guy that Delane.
He's a smart cookie, smart cookie that Delane.
So he gets 1d8 plus four and 1d10.
So that is 20 piercing damage directly into the dragon.
He's gonna do that again.
So that's 19.
That will also hit.
So that is seven more damage.
Flint, you're up.
And Flint, just make a d20 roll for me.
Great.
That's a eight.
Okay, you're good.
So you can take your turn now.
Oh, all right.
Well, that's nice to know.
I guess I'm slow going out of these weeds I'm in, hey?
Yeah, so your speed is halved.
So you got 20 feet to cover.
So I think you're, you got a 30 foot.
So you can only get 15 feet through these weeds.
I actually have a 25.
Thank you for noticing.
You can only, sorry, fair enough.
I will go 12 and a half feet
through these vines and everything.
Nice.
I will take a healing surge because, uh-huh.
Yep.
Makes sense.
So that's eight.
Oh, plus my con.
So that's 12 hit points back.
Excellent.
And I'm also going to use my second wind skill,
which gives me a 1d10 plus my level bonus
as another healing factor.
So that's another 17.
17 heals, okay.
Yep, so I've got some hit points back.
I'm three quarters of the way through the vines.
Oh, I guess I could like throw an axe at him, eh?
There's vaulted ceiling, 60 feet high.
So as long as you can throw at 60 feet
plus another probably 20 feet, you're probably good.
I can throw at 60 feet,
but how about that fancy crossbow I picked up?
Is that an option?
Yeah, you could do that.
I can give you some stats on that.
Yeah, it'll be whatever your attack roll is.
Okay.
Plus your proficiency, plus your dexterity.
Okay, so plus five.
Got it.
It's a 17.
17 misses, unfortunately.
But if you were to hit,
it would be 1d10 plus your dexterity,
plus your proficiency.
Okay.
So 1d10 plus five.
Got it.
Guys, 17 doesn't hit, keep that in mind.
New Laura.
Where's Narenvane just like chilling on the shore?
He's near the pond, which is, or the lake rather,
which is from where you are.
Probably 75 feet from you.
Well, that's too far, come on.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, as a bonus action,
I'm gonna cast Hunter's Mark on Narenvane,
which just gives me an extra d6 damage
if I hit him until he's dead,
and then I can give it to someone else.
Yep.
And I guess I am going to try to hit him
with my light crossbow.
That is a 10, so that will not do it.
No.
And that is a nine, so that will not do it either.
Also won't do it.
Oh, I guess Donnie's gonna bite him.
He's not probably, but.
Nope, Donnie does not bite him, so that is a six.
Okay.
It's just I'm hurt, guys, I'm sorry.
It's understandable.
Do you move anywhere?
Do you do anything?
Where?
As leadingly.
Yeah.
I think, cause I had started walking towards that orb,
like where am I even?
Like in the middle of the cave?
So you've walked through the secret door,
the pond would be to your,
or the lake shore would be to your left or your right,
and you have gone to the left.
So you are about 45 feet from the secret room
and about 15 or 20 feet from this globe that you saw.
Okay, I wanna walk to the globe.
You walk to the globe and you pick it up
and you sense that it has some magical properties,
but you can't quite tell what they are at this moment.
Okay.
Well, I'll put it in my pocket.
Hey, Thea, you're up.
Huh.
She says that she's cowering in the closet.
Okay, well, Thea's gonna get her ass in there.
How far is Nerenvame from me?
So you have just entered the room?
Yeah.
60 feet.
Nice, I'm gonna stay at the entrance.
Not moving any closer,
but I am going to conjure Moonbeam.
So I am going to conjure it at my fourth level spell
slot, which is going to make this thing 4d10 damage,
but you must make a constitution saving throw.
It's 21.
Fuck him, well, he will take half of my damage.
27.
Half.
So he can take 13 of my damage.
Yeah, your Moonbeam erupts in the chamber.
Why is everything erupting in the chamber?
What is with the bed that never gets dirty?
Everything's erupting in this chamber.
What is happening?
Yeah, your Moonbeam comes to light.
Wait, does the song Eruption by Van Halen play?
Absolutely.
If it does, get out of here.
It just says shines down.
You could also say the same thing.
The Moonlight shines down upon him
and lets forth a glow of glistening light
across the pond.
And everybody is quite happy except Nerenvame,
who took some damage, damn it.
And it's Nerenvame's turn.
I'm hoping if we kill him, the dragon will go away,
like the dragon's under his spell or something.
You would think.
Wishful thinking.
It's Nerenvame's turn.
Yay.
Yay, let's see what he's all about.
He doesn't like that.
We know your dad, he's really disappointed in you.
Do you actually yell that?
Yeah, yell it.
My father doesn't know what's coming to him
and he lets forth an eldritch arrow
after he moves out of the moonbeam.
He moves out of it.
Oh, does he?
He walks to the side a little bit,
just a step to the left.
Just a little shimmy step.
And then a jump to the right?
Or a jump to the right?
No, he doesn't jump to the right.
He jumps further to the left.
Because then he jumps back into it?
Yeah.
And lets forth an eldritch arrow towards Thea.
That might not do it.
He gets two of those, but that's only a 12.
No, that doesn't do it.
That's a 15.
That also doesn't do it.
So, but he's busy dancing
and out of his hands come two luminous arrows
that kind of one whizzes by you
and one glints off of your armor.
Well, it's his own fault
for forgetting how to do the time warp properly.
Yeah.
Right?
I'm sorry.
He took too many steps to the left.
Laska's turn who has to make,
who cannot move towards the dragon.
So Laska actually at the end of Laska's turn
makes the saving throw.
So Laska's next turn,
she will be able to go into the chamber.
Flamikins.
Yeah, okay.
Flamikins is gonna do this.
Flamikins is going to conjure,
or I guess conjure an abjuration.
She's gonna abjure Maximillian's earthen grasp.
So she's creating a miniature hand sculpted from clay.
It's what she's got.
She has it in her pocket
because she's prepared like that.
And she's always been prepared.
Yes.
She is going to, and this is what this does.
She chooses the five foot square upon,
it says unoccupied space on the ground
that you can see within range.
Oh, the target.
I think it means unoccupied, not unoccupied.
Yeah, it reaches for the creature beside it.
So it has to be unoccupied
because then this hand grabs at whoever you try to get.
Well, she chooses five feet next to Nerenvang.
Nerenvang. Okay.
The target must make a strength saving throw.
And on a failed save,
the target takes 2d6 bludgeoning damage.
And as an action,
you can cause the hand to crush the restrained target.
Sweet.
Sorry, what type of strength?
Strength.
Hate that guy.
That's his best.
It's not his best.
That's a 16.
Against her.
16.
If it meets the beats.
All right.
Well, it takes 2d6.
You got the flame again.
Six, four, 10 damage.
So. Five.
Five damage.
So he's not restrained.
He's not restrained.
And then he steps to the left again.
No, he doesn't.
He's in the water now.
He's just treading water and not going.
He's like off.
I'll get this, don't worry.
He's like mad about it now
because he's just not paying attention.
Yeah.
You see the dragon's eyes glow
and starting from where the entrance
to the secret area is,
all the way to just about where Nulara is,
cutting directly on top of
everybody in that area,
which is Thea, Delaine,
who are standing at the entrance.
Flamekin's Thaddeus.
Not Nulara because she's outside the range.
A wall of tangled brush bristling with thorns
springs into existence.
And the wall is 60 feet long, 10 feet high,
and five feet thick.
It appears on top of those people.
And each of those people
must make a dexterity saving throw.
Is that a 20?
Flamekin's too?
Yeah.
That is a 20, but not critical for Thaddeus.
Okay, it was a 15 for Flamekin's
and nat 20 for me.
Way to waste a nat 20.
Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr.
So everybody saves, but.
There's always a but.
You guys are pushed five feet from the wall
as it comes into existence.
So Thaddeus and Flamekin's
are on the Narenvane side.
Thea and Delaine are on the secret door side.
Well, we did all we could.
Ha ha ha ha.
Good luck you guys.
Thaddeus is up.
All right.
What to do, what to do?
And where is Narenvane standing?
Paint the picture for me where he is.
Okay, so Thaddeus is on the Narenvane side
of this bristling bush.
And he sees there's a moonbeam
kinda centered on the edge of this lake.
And Narenvane is about five feet
to the left of that at this point.
And the earthen hand is right behind him
or beside him?
But I'm gonna say it's like directly beside him.
Okay.
And Thaddeus is 35 feet from him at this point.
Excellent.
And is there like water on any side of him?
Like where can Narenvane go?
There's water directly behind him.
He can go forward towards Thaddeus
or forward left or forward and right.
Or directly back into the water if he's so desired.
If that would be a weird choice, but.
Sometimes he's gotta go for a swim.
I mean, he just came up through the water, right?
That's true.
He's all wet. It's probably getting chilly.
I'm gonna take a play from the Rust playbook
in our Patreon game and cast Cloud of Daggers.
Ooh, that's fun.
Right in front of him,
but also in between the moonbeam and the earthen hand.
Yeah, you will.
And also touching him.
So it's hitting him,
but also just in front of him as well.
Sure, yeah.
Okay, and I'm going to cast it at a,
let's say fifth level spell slot.
So it's just raining daggers.
I'm gonna add a whole bunch of damage
or at least as much as I can.
So it's going to be 10d4, I do believe.
Yeah, cause it's, well, it's 4d4 to start, right?
And then 2d4 every level up and it's three levels up.
So yeah, it should be 10d4 damage.
Yep.
I should have grabbed more d4s.
Yeah.
All right, here we go.
So that's 29 points of damage on your camera.
Yay, cloud of dagger.
So there's a hand to the left of him,
a moonbeam to the right and directly in front of him,
this cloud of daggers with, it's like a blender.
It's just churning up right on top of him,
which is how Opal feels like it should work
every goddamn fucking time.
Every goddamn time.
And just eviscerates his face.
How can you eviscerate someone's face?
Doesn't he need viscera?
What's eviscerate?
It means your guts come out through his face.
Through his face, it just-
It's really bad.
It's bad.
It's really bad.
Yeah, it's-
If his face had guts, they're out.
They're out.
So he is not looking super happy about that.
We can't even tell though.
He could look happy, but his face is gone.
His face is off.
Cuthsturn.
Oh, is it?
Oh, and he recharged.
How many turns does Cuth get?
This guy.
He gets one per piece.
He's exhausting me.
Too many.
This dragon, I tell ya.
We haven't even tried to do anything
and had to deal with his legendary resistance bullshit.
I know better than to try to control him.
Yeah.
So Cuth hops down and eyes up Nulara.
And- Of course he does.
In a line directly-
You feeling objectified this time?
Cause I feel like many people are eyeing you up.
Lands pretty much in front of you.
And from a line from you all the way back
to Thea and Delaine lets forth his poison breath again.
Fuck.
And everybody's got to make a saving throw
of the constitution variety.
Shootin' for her, shootin' for her.
She got to shoot high.
Shoot for eight.
Make it more than 15 or whatever
that's been rolled and failed.
So yeah.
Well, Nulara got a nine
so it's not looking good for her.
Thea got an eight, however.
Nulara, aren't dragons like your favorite enemy
or some bullshit?
They are, but all that gets me,
look at, I already have the book out
cause I was like, I'm dying.
But all it gets me is advantage
on wisdom checks and intelligence checks
for info about them.
And I learned to speak draconic as well.
I need to get lucky.
I thought that's what happened in the closet.
No, I'm going to use my inexplicable luck
that is kicking in at just the right time
to do the saving throw again
to roll an additional d20.
Okay.
You can choose to spend one of your luck points
after you rolled a die,
but before the outcome is determined.
Well, yeah, I know what the outcome is though.
Okay, that's a 19.
Okay, so Thea and Delaine save.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, Nulara.
What is it, 56?
Is it always 56?
So here's the thing.
I can give you 56 or I can roll the 16 d6
and you can hope for all ones.
Well, that's fine.
I'm going to die anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Let's save the math.
Okay, so 56.
So half of that for you and Delaine, which is 28.
Hey friends, I'm dead.
Uh-oh, Nulara, are you okay over there?
Oops.
Hey there.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
Thank you for joining us for episode 38
of Dumbgeons and Dragons titled A Cloud of Noxious Gas.
It's not looking good for some.
Thank you.
Yes, you.
Thank you for listening to Dumbgeons and Dragons
in our wild and crazy,
and sometimes funny stories we have going on here.
I don't think I thank you enough lately,
but we've seen huge downloads recently.
So many new people are coming on.
The Spotify numbers have been just crushing it.
So if you're listening over there,
thank you for joining us.
We actually just passed 15,000 downloads this past week
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So thank you for joining us
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Make sure you check them out at syrinscape.com
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The next episode will be out back on regular schedule
in a couple of weeks, May 9th,
but we've kind of left our heroes
in a bit of a sticky situation.
So let's go see what happens next.
Hope it's okay.
Have a great couple of weeks.
We'll talk soon.
Hey friends, I'm dead.
All right. Great. Great stuff.
New Laura drops to the ground.
I call New Laura.
Avenge me, I say as I fall.
I will, maybe.
I'm not very reliable.
A question for Amy.
Is this feather fan that you gave me
that has glass bobbles and is bedazzled?
Does it do anything like amazing
that you didn't tell me about at the time?
Because now would be a really good time
for it to do something amazing.
It waves away poison breath.
Actually, inside each of those bobbles
I have cast a spell on them at the time
that they are each healing that heal you for one D8.
And there are eight levels on your fan.
You just made those bullshit up
and you came up with a D8?
Well, I needed it to be not outlandish.
It needed to seem realistic.
Remember Solstice?
It was such a magical time.
It was so magical.
We were all alive.
It was great.
I love the fact that maybe on Flint's turn
he might pull out this fan and be like...
I'm not going to lie.
I'm thinking about it
because I don't have a lot of other options.
So write that down.
Eight D8 magic.
Okay, so Cuth lets forth his poison breath.
Nulara, you see drop to the ground.
Delaine and Thea take some damage
and Cuth flies up to the ceiling
and grasps on with his claws.
You got to make a saving throw
to see if you keep your moonbeam.
I only got 11.
Yeah, you didn't make it.
Okay, that's all right.
So the moonbeam is gone.
It is now Delaine's turn.
And he is going to...
I grab his arm and I say, kill him for me.
He's going to load his bow with an arrow.
Can I hand him my arrow?
Your dragon killing arrow?
I pass him one of my dragon arrows.
Can I do that?
Yeah, you can do that.
He loads his bow with an arrow of dragon slaying.
He kind of looks at it and is like,
no, I got bows, but oh.
No, no, this one.
For luck.
Also, it murders dragon.
I was going to say, maybe you can just tell him.
You don't have to be coy about it.
Well, I feel like everything's happening very fast.
Don't fucking question me.
I just thrust it into his hand.
He lets loose
and he hits with a 24.
Sinks this arrow directly into the back of Kuth.
So he gets one D8 plus four and then the D10.
Arrow is a dragon slaying.
So it has to make a constitution saving throw.
Which obviously it passes
because of legendary resistance.
But it takes an extra six D10 piercing damage
on a failed save or half as much on a successful.
Okay, so first damage.
17 damage from his initial hit.
Then six D10 or I have to make a constitution saving throw.
Which he's gonna, legendary resistance save.
But I still have to roll.
Sorry, I'm trying to help.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
Six D10s, those are all D10s.
None of them are D8s.
Okay, so that's 42.
Halved, so 21 extra damage.
And lets forth a bellowing roar and does not like that.
But he loads another arrow
and he's like, you got another one of those?
Yeah, I hand him my second one, my last one.
And does it again.
But it glances off.
The second arrow glances off its scales
and falls to the ground a ways.
Near me?
A ways.
It's kind of in the middle of the room.
Not near Flint.
Kind of near Flint though?
Yeah, not exactly near Flint.
So Cuth is going to use one of his legendary actions.
And he's going to wing attack both Thea and Delaine.
So he-
But I have my shield.
Yeah, you do.
So you're fine.
You gotta make a saving throw.
So the dragon releases from the ceiling
and beats its wings together towards Delaine and Thea.
And you each must make a dexterity saving throw.
Do some sick flips.
13.
Well, there's that wall of weeds.
It's not your fault.
Delaine gets a 20.
So that's 18 bludgeoning damage.
And you are knocked prone
and it flies back up to the ceiling.
It's Flint's turn.
All right.
So I'm still in the weeds.
There's a dragon on the roof.
And where's Nerenvain?
Nerenvain is on the, from you,
would be the opposite side
of where the moonbeam previously was.
All sliced up.
And you still have seven and a half feet
of vines to get through.
Right.
Okay, well, yeah,
I might as well get through all those vines.
Yeah, so you move 15
and I've got an extra 10 feet to go somewhere.
Get your fan out.
Yep.
Get the fan out.
I keep telling you, what the fan.
So you are approximately from where you are,
you are approximately 45 feet
from Nerenvain at this point.
Okay.
How far to that dragon arrow out of curiosity?
The dragon arrow would have gone,
would have gone.
I'm doing a little vector math here.
You are probably 30 feet from the dragon arrow.
It would be more to your right
and to the back wall there.
Okay.
So yeah, I'm going to use my last 10 feet
of movement to go 10 feet towards that arrow.
Okay.
And I'm going to use that crossbow that I have
because I'm not close to anything
and I'm going to shoot at Nerenvain with it.
Sure.
Hopefully you hit him into like the hands or the.
That would be nice.
Yeah.
We're going to find out.
So that is a 17 on the first one.
Hits.
And what did you say, one D10 plus five?
One D10 plus five.
Okay.
So that's seven.
So 12 damage.
Okay.
And I'll take a second shot at him.
And that is a 17 again.
Sweet. Yep.
And this one.
Oh, wait a minute.
Let me just read something here.
Hang on.
Oh no, that's only with great weapons.
Okay.
Two and five.
So seven damage.
Yeah.
The first one strikes true deep into Nerenvain's shoulder.
The other one glances off of his arm.
He makes an Elven scream.
How do Elves scream?
I believe they would scream.
That sounds like someone.
Like any man would scream.
Yeah, that sounds like someone would scream like that
if they have a spell that keeps their bed clean.
Because he's so dirty right now.
He's probably hating this.
Flint, right?
Flint, roll me a d20.
Okay.
Two.
Maybe that's good.
So Flint, you gotta say something.
I yell out, I'm not wearing any underwear.
So Flint looks very confused at this point
and yells out, I'm not wearing any underwear,
which catches you all off guard,
except for Nularaaais.
She's lying on the ground almost dead.
But everybody else is very confused by this.
Nularaaais, it's your turn.
Make a death saving throw.
Go, Karla.
Okay, I sure will.
10 or higher is what you gotta get.
Okay.
No pluses.
Oh, that is a seven.
You have what's called a failure.
I got two more tries, right?
Two more tries.
Unless you roll a one,
and then you have one more try.
And then that's it.
Oh, okay.
Well, that was fun.
Okay, Thea, you're up.
All right.
I'm going to take,
and I'm immediately going to take a rare healing potion.
Okay.
So that's eight D four plus eight.
I'm not fucking dying today, you guys.
Okay, so feeling still really shitty.
I'm going to conjure animal
and I'm gonna conjure up eight wolves.
So you got to roll them into initiative.
Okay, so the first set got a 16.
Okay.
And the second set got an 11.
Good news is you have eight wolves
that magically appear.
Where do they appear?
Four of them appear surrounding Narenvain.
And the rest kind of appear like around me,
I guess, I don't know.
So good news, there are eight wolves
that just poof into existence.
Bad news is they don't get to go until
another turn has gone through.
Well, that's okay.
Because they rolled higher than everybody else.
That's currently gone.
That's okay.
So you're good.
You're moving, yes, no, maybe so.
Yeah, I'm gonna move.
I want to move away from where I'm at,
away from the door.
And I want to make sure I got my shield on.
So you're moving towards Nulara.
Yes.
Can I move towards her and give her a potion?
Lara is 65 feet away.
Oh no, I can't move that far.
But you can start moving, you can, well,
you can move, you could make it next turn
if you moved your full 30 feet
and then had a dash action
to get to her for the next turn.
I think I might do that
because her first roll was so shitty.
So I'm gonna move towards Nulara.
Okay, so you are now there.
Delaine is still by the door.
We'll say that the wolves move along with you.
Okay, it is Narenvane's turn.
So you are, from Narenvane's point of view,
you are obscured.
He can't see you or Delaine
because he can't see through the thicket that is there.
But Thaddeus and Flamikinskins are there.
And what he can do is attack them.
Bring it.
Oh, and Flint.
Flint, he can see Flint too.
So he moves.
Flint's like, nevermind.
Please don't bring it.
Nevermind, bring it for those NPCs.
He moves away from the hand thing that's in the ground.
Does he have to do anything
if he moves out of range of that?
Well, as an action,
I can cause a hand to reach for another creature
or move to a different unoccupied space, so no.
Okay, so what he does,
he's gonna release a poisonous cloud
that fills a 20-foot radius sphere
centered on Thaddeus and Flamikinskins.
The gas-
Sure sounds like a stinking cloud.
Yeah, so both of them have to make
a constitution saving throw.
16.
Thaddeus rolls a 19.
16 and 19 both save,
so you are not poisoned again.
Hooray!
And he yells up and he just says,
Cuth!
What up?
And Cuth knows.
Cuth knows what's up.
He knows what's up.
Veloska jumps into the room
and is like, hey, I've been here the whole time.
What's going on in here?
Oh, sorry.
Can like giant winter wolves snap their thumbs?
This one can.
All right.
So-
Is she just a winter wolf
or is she a person as a winter wolf?
She's a winter wolf.
Okay, I was never quite sure.
She comes in, quickly surveys the room
and she dashes over to where Nulara is.
Everything else is out of range,
but she makes it to Nulara
and is there as guarding that position.
Well, that's nice.
That's nice.
Flamikins.
Okay, first she's gonna take a healing surge.
While she could move that earth and grasp thing,
that would be her action, right?
Says as an action and then should be done.
Yeah.
All right, well, she's gonna do that.
She is going to do immolation.
Which-
Light something on fire.
Yeah, flames, wreath, one creature.
You can see within range,
the target must make a dexterity saving throw.
It takes eight to D6 fire damage on a failed save
or half as much on a successful one.
On a failed save,
the target also burns for the spell's duration.
The burning target sheds bright light
in a 30 foot radius.
At the end of each of its turns,
they must repeat a saving throw.
She is gonna do this on the dragon.
It's six.
Of course it does.
Why did you even roll?
It's okay, they get half 86.
Yeah, I mean, it's still something.
All right, 23, so 11 damage.
It's on fire.
And at the end-
On a failed save, it's on fire.
On a failed save, the target also burns.
Okay, fine.
So it's not on fire.
Okay, fine.
But at the end of each of its turns-
If it's on fire.
Never mind, just kidding.
I missed right there.
The hand drops and Flamikins Kins is like,
holy fire bullshit!
And flames wreath around the dragon.
He bellows a roar that shakes,
stones fall from the ceiling.
And it's back to the lair's turn.
Oh, yay.
That lair, so good.
It heals us all full.
It's tired of cooth shit.
Totally. Right?
The dragon locks eyes with Delaine
and they glow bright green
and he must make a wisdom saving throw.
You're welcome to make the saving throw.
For me, so I don't taint it or anything.
Too bad he didn't lock eyes with Thea
because she has the chance to redo
saving throws if needed.
Oh, right.
That probably would have been good
to keep you guys alive, but didn't happen.
Wisdom plus one.
12.
And you see Delaine's eyes glow as well.
And he is what's considered charmed
by the lair at this point.
Neat.
Thaddeus.
Thaddeus' turn.
All right, hold on.
I'm looking at stuff.
Do something cool.
Russ, how far away are New Laura and the wolf?
Say about 30 feet.
Perfect.
That's exactly as much as I need it to be.
So Thaddeus runs over to New Laura
and as he's going, he reaches into his pocket
and pulls out a handful of small diamonds
and touches New Laura on the forehead
and casts Revivify on her
and brings her back to consciousness
with one hit point.
Ooh.
So enjoy that one hit point.
So with a blinding light of clerical genius,
Thaddeus releases this energy into New Laura
and her eyes open and she is back conscious.
Not feeling good, but conscious.
Yeah, yeah.
That was not the point.
The point was for her to wake up.
Cooth's turn.
Does not recharge his breath,
but he hears the call,
the call from Nerenvane
and he flies down to Nerenvane
who reaches into the saddlebag on the side of Cooth
and see him chug a potion and hop up onto Cooth
and yells.
You may have won this battle,
but the war is knocking at your door.
Cooth dives into the lake and disappears.
Does that mean Delaine's not all charmed anymore?
Oh no, Delaine's still charmed.
Does a healing kit un-charm people?
No.
Does?
No, he's charmed.
So we're still in initiative order.
So Cooth, and it's Delaine's turn
and he takes aim at Thea.
No, you don't, baby.
Baby, no.
Remember the closet.
It was like five minutes ago.
He shoots two bolts quickly at you.
First one is a 20, not critical.
Second one is a 13.
And now does my shield do anything for me?
You are running away from him, so no.
Son of a bitch.
You still have a 16 AC, so only one of them hits you.
I know, but still.
Yeah.
Still not great.
So you take eight piercing damage
in your back shoulder blade.
Rude.
And it's your wolves one through four's turn.
Does he not have to make like a roll or anything
or is he just like charmed?
He's charmed.
Can't like fight it?
No.
Jesus. All right.
Well, I stick my wolves on him.
When a wolf bites him,
he's going to be knocked prone if he fails.
Yeah.
Can you get all of the wolves to coordinate
and all just like lick his face a bunch
when he's down on the ground
so he remembers like that he's his old self again?
Oh, wouldn't that be heartwarming?
No, I'm going to go in to bite him
because he just hit me in the back.
Charmed?
That's right. Don't fuck with me.
Don't screw me over.
Thea does not take that lightly.
So he's going to get attacked by wolves.
Yeah, he will.
So they go to bite him,
which is the first one's a 15, which doesn't hit.
The second one is an 11, which doesn't hit.
That one's a critical fail.
It's all up to you, woofie.
Fuck off.
Nothing fucking happens.
Okay.
This is-
The wolves turn and run towards him
and just kind of surround him.
Nulara, it's your turn.
You have just woken up from death.
So you are lying prone and have one hit point left.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'm going to take a healing search.
Might be good.
Okay.
And I am also going to...
Okay. I have a rare healing potion,
which is eight D four plus eight.
That's what I use to make sure I didn't die.
Okay.
So, 27 plus eight is 35.
Does that mean you have 36 hit points now?
No, I did a healing search as well.
So I now have 40 hit points.
Nice.
And I guess I stand up.
Can you also throw something and knock Delaine out?
All I see is him surrounded by wolves probably.
Like, I don't know that he just shot you or anything.
That's true.
Yeah.
That's reasonably, I wouldn't just start shooting him.
Okay. I guess that's my turn.
Yeah. Okay.
You just be like, lovers quarrel.
Oh, shit. Sorry.
I skipped Flint and your other wolves.
I'm sorry. I went wolves, wolves.
So retroactively, Flint, it's your turn.
You just yelled, I'm naked or something.
Yeah. It's really weird.
Not wearing underwear.
Thank you very much.
I mean, we all knew, but.
Yeah. It's been well established.
Yeah. I'll pick up the dragon arrow
and make my way over to like where Nulara is.
I'm not quite close enough, I think,
but I'll start going over there.
You can get just about to where she is.
Five wolves.
They have a really, they've got a speed of 40.
Can my other wolves make it over?
No, because there's a big thicket
that they would then have to run through,
which would, I mean, they could try.
It would cause, it would cause pokey damage.
Oh, I don't want to cause my wolfies pokey damage.
They'll come to the opening of the.
Thea, then it's your turn.
Oh my God.
I'm going to turn around.
I'm going to bitch slap him so hard.
Okay. Well, I run over and I like hurt him a whole lot.
I'm going to thorn whip him
and he's going to take one D6.
This is the closest I get to bitch slapping him.
He takes one damage.
Okay.
But maybe you like wrap that thorn whip around his hand
and like prevent him from using his bow anymore.
I, well, what I do is the creature is,
I pulled the creature 10 feet closer to me.
So there's that.
Did he snap out of it when I?
Nope.
Laska grabs hold of his other arm
or tries to grab hold of his other arm.
Does so.
So now he's held by a thorny whip and a Laska.
Flammacan's turn.
Is she close?
She's not even close, is she?
She's on the other side where Thaddeus was.
So she's.
This thicket's really throwing me for a loop.
The thicket's there.
So yeah, you got to go like around the thicket
or you got to cut through the thicket,
but it's poke, pokey bushes.
Pokey bushes.
So many pokey bushes.
I don't know what to do guys.
Maybe I just let it ride and see what happens next.
Yeah, she just lets it ride and sees what's going to happen.
We go back to the top of the order at the lair action
and his eyes flash green again
and he is no longer charmed.
And he's like, whoa, what's going on here?
And he is no longer charmed.
I walk the few feet between us and slap him.
He deserves it.
I feel like I deserve that, maybe.
Point to my back.
Sorry.
You all stand around taking a breath,
healing what you can,
watching the pool settle to a calm still.
You don't hear the roar,
the rumble that came from Cuth as he left the cave.
You look around and you survey the lair,
poisonous clouds dissipating,
the thicket beginning to shrivel
and go back into the earth.
You look to each other,
knowing that you came close to death.
Lucky this time you may have been,
but knowing that you will have to fight again,
even harder to make sure the cult of the dragon
does not achieve their goal.
It leaves you all to die.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
I read mine totally wrong.
I thought it was writing in some sort of southern drawl.
I like where this is going.
It goes, big spiders come.
We fight them.
Equal.
Eight wolves.
I rock.
Then we find the waterfall.
And this says, this is supposed to say, I do recon.
But I read it as, then we find the waterfall.
I do reckon there's a cave.
Like, I do declare.
I do!
I reckon there's a dragon lair behind that there waterfall.
Do y'all see them spiders?
Oh my.
We go in and I charm our way into the cave past the elven guards.
We find Delaine is all fucked up and taken captive and we rescue him and a bunch of
elves that have also been taken captive.
And then we wait until Kuth, the dragon, comes back and then we're going to kick his ass
too.
Yeah we are.
Uh, okay, let's go with Zone of Tru- no, um.
Cast Zone of Truth.
I am hurt and I am a little mad at- I knew it!
It was really funny but I don't feel well.
It was funny in the moment and then the next section we realized that it was probably
a bad idea.
Thea's gonna lose her virginity if it's the last thing she does and it might be in this
closet.
Flamigan screams, nooooo!
Close your eyes, Flamigans!
That is just like, I've seen it all.
Whatever.
I picture him as such an old hippie that he would just be like, whatever.
Free love, man.
Free love.
You're doing it wrong.
Exactly.
You're doing it wrong.
You're like, yeah, it's my first time, I'm probably doing it wrong.
Dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump.
Okay, so he, uh huh, uh huh, okay.
Sounds like a lot of good information around this game.
Yup.
Good.
Realizes they went to high school together.
Nularaaaa?
Is that you?
Oh it's so weird to run into you here, especially since you grew up only with
your brothers.
Am I your brother?
This is where your backstory comes into play.
Which one do you want this to be?
So for the first hit, that will be 612.
You didn't roll that one.
I didn't roll that one.
You son of a bitch.
612, 15.
2.
You watch him, Amy.
You watch him like a hawk.
I am watching him.
Someone has to.
612, 15, 25.
Sorry, what was your damage?
What's your damage, Russ?
Right?
Heather?
Nope, dog.
Go somewhere else.
Chew your bone on your bed.
I don't have that many dragon sound effects that I can put in here that will hide that.
You do you, Paisley.
Don't listen to him.
It's really rude to say some unspeakable horror is going to happen and then make
us wait for it.
Totally.
Some really crazy shit happens in there.
Builds the suspense though.
Okay, so.
I'm sorry.
We're in the elevator to the Dragon's Lair.
So of course the girl for me, Benima, needs to play.
You find yourself erupting.
Wow, all right.
He turned into a volcano.
And this is where the podcast ends.
We just recorded that other episode to give you guys some hope.
Where did I put Delaine?
In my pants.
You put him there.
Russ didn't.
With consent though.
I didn't just put him there.
No, no.
It was enthusiastically consensual.
Your weird making out in the closet while we were getting murdered.
You weren't getting murdered.
You guys were doing a great job and it was just super sexy.
Dangerous sexy.
Hey, did you guys know I have an option to reroll a save if I fail?
Because I forgot, but I'll keep that in mind now.
Good to know.
It's all right.
We'll go for it.
Nerenvane must.
Nerenvane's constitution.
Oh, he's constitution as fuck.
Also, yet another time I conjure eight wolves who don't get to do shit.
It was worth the effort though.
They look rad.
I think that's what scared the dragon off.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.